Revising poems

After the last workshop day of the class, I was left with some great feedback for my poem. For the most part, my peers agreed that my work, although a fun read, was a little bit of a hodgepodge. The poem did not flow as well as it could have. So what I attempted to do in my revisions was make the poem flow better from stanza to stanza. Because I was working with the references of so many different pop culture icons, I decided the best way to connect the people I wrote of was by association using the events of their respective lives as the borameter. Initially, I started out with Lennon then moved to Ingrid Berman. In my revised version, I used sections to better represent my thought process in the poem, and to better aid the reader throug the poem. I coupled JFK with Lennon, highlighting their tragically young passings. I used Monroe, Berman, and added Judy Garland to another section, actresses that to me best represent the grainy black and white era of cinema. I also added an even more playful opening to the poem, one that uses the speaker's voice slightly more in reality, something that I think adds to my poem's idea of the cycles of being high. I think that the workshop process and Matt's comments greatly helped my work here. I knew where I was trying to go, but I didn't know how to get there. The comments my classmates gave me allowed me to see the direction I needed to be pointed in to write a sensical poem.